I can't sleep and I'm ever so slightly depressed.
Dad will be up for work soon... might just go and spend some time with him, he cheered me up earlier, giving me a jumper of his and spraying it with his aftershave. Its a nice jumper, says 1981 on it... he got it becuase thats the year my brother and their first born came about... shame it had to all end a few weeks later :( Speaking of which, its his 'anniversary' next month. I want to go with mum to the Grave... aparently my sister has planted new flowers there. I dont go as often as I should... Im going to go more.... its just, his whole grave looks so depressing/messy and yucky. Its horrible to think a baby is under there, my brother. I wonder what he would be like now if he was still alive... I always think this. I bet he would be really sucsessful, with a good job. As for looks, I think he'd be like my dad, because you could already see that in him, with them big blue eyes. I think he might be like Daniel in a way too... only 25 instead of 20.
Anyway, dad ALWAYS did that for me when I were little, I loved it. If I ever had a bad dream or anything, Id wake up, find the jumper, smell it/hug it and everything would be okay again... and end up going back to sleep. If only this time I could actually get some sleep in the FIRST place.
So my sister has now left for good, to the hot country. She got there a couple of hours ago. Its weird but she'll be back xmas time.
As for my other sister, shes just got back from Sydney. I hope it was worth it, she packed in her job for it... Good for her I say, she didn tlik it there anyway! I want to go to Austrilia now... not just because dad lived tere but I wanna see my two auzzie friends :) They keep asking me to come over... so I will some day.
It was nice helping mum in the garden today, or rather yesterday. We are building a wall at the bottom so the perv behind cant spy on us anymore... she told me today he used to peer through the fence at myself and my sister when we were little too... uhhh ewwww!!! We have also been cutting down some tree branches, which was fun, but hard. And making a nice display by the pond.... it'll look great once finished.
On another note, Im very ugly at the moment. I mean, not that Im not any other time but lately... jesus :/ I need new skin or something I think. That'll be amazing. I did hear about them 'blue skin peels' you can get but will probably be thousands... I'd love to be a millionaire because when it comes to looks, Id get my teeth all totally perfect, my skin looking amazing, and just an all round better body. Id be really confident and be able to approach a man while sober, without feeling silly. And for first time sex with someone new, I'd be all confident and be like them kinda girls who dont seem to give a toss on how they look, they just get naked with no thought. I CAN imagine myself being like that one day... it'll just be a while yet I think. I'll look forward to that confidence though, very much so indeed. And be making the most of it for sure.
I don't really have anything planned for today (after attempting to sleep of course) I think I'll help with the garden again, I quite enjoyed it and was nice speaking to mum at the same time too.
This weekend Im going to go out with Jon... he keeps asking me and I keep putting it off, and I dont even know why I do because I do really like being around him, I dont know. So screw it, I'm going. My parents keep wanting me to go with him anyway. They don't even know him but seem to trust him enough and like the sound of him... and his car. Mum met him once and thought he was so cute and adorable because he was really shy, awww.
This blog is getting pretty long now so I'm going to stop... I haven't felt the need to write so much in ages. But Im glad I did.
Until next time...
Dad will be up for work soon... might just go and spend some time with him, he cheered me up earlier, giving me a jumper of his and spraying it with his aftershave. Its a nice jumper, says 1981 on it... he got it becuase thats the year my brother and their first born came about... shame it had to all end a few weeks later :( Speaking of which, its his 'anniversary' next month. I want to go with mum to the Grave... aparently my sister has planted new flowers there. I dont go as often as I should... Im going to go more.... its just, his whole grave looks so depressing/messy and yucky. Its horrible to think a baby is under there, my brother. I wonder what he would be like now if he was still alive... I always think this. I bet he would be really sucsessful, with a good job. As for looks, I think he'd be like my dad, because you could already see that in him, with them big blue eyes. I think he might be like Daniel in a way too... only 25 instead of 20.
Anyway, dad ALWAYS did that for me when I were little, I loved it. If I ever had a bad dream or anything, Id wake up, find the jumper, smell it/hug it and everything would be okay again... and end up going back to sleep. If only this time I could actually get some sleep in the FIRST place.
So my sister has now left for good, to the hot country. She got there a couple of hours ago. Its weird but she'll be back xmas time.
As for my other sister, shes just got back from Sydney. I hope it was worth it, she packed in her job for it... Good for her I say, she didn tlik it there anyway! I want to go to Austrilia now... not just because dad lived tere but I wanna see my two auzzie friends :) They keep asking me to come over... so I will some day.
It was nice helping mum in the garden today, or rather yesterday. We are building a wall at the bottom so the perv behind cant spy on us anymore... she told me today he used to peer through the fence at myself and my sister when we were little too... uhhh ewwww!!! We have also been cutting down some tree branches, which was fun, but hard. And making a nice display by the pond.... it'll look great once finished.
On another note, Im very ugly at the moment. I mean, not that Im not any other time but lately... jesus :/ I need new skin or something I think. That'll be amazing. I did hear about them 'blue skin peels' you can get but will probably be thousands... I'd love to be a millionaire because when it comes to looks, Id get my teeth all totally perfect, my skin looking amazing, and just an all round better body. Id be really confident and be able to approach a man while sober, without feeling silly. And for first time sex with someone new, I'd be all confident and be like them kinda girls who dont seem to give a toss on how they look, they just get naked with no thought. I CAN imagine myself being like that one day... it'll just be a while yet I think. I'll look forward to that confidence though, very much so indeed. And be making the most of it for sure.
I don't really have anything planned for today (after attempting to sleep of course) I think I'll help with the garden again, I quite enjoyed it and was nice speaking to mum at the same time too.
This weekend Im going to go out with Jon... he keeps asking me and I keep putting it off, and I dont even know why I do because I do really like being around him, I dont know. So screw it, I'm going. My parents keep wanting me to go with him anyway. They don't even know him but seem to trust him enough and like the sound of him... and his car. Mum met him once and thought he was so cute and adorable because he was really shy, awww.
This blog is getting pretty long now so I'm going to stop... I haven't felt the need to write so much in ages. But Im glad I did.
Until next time...
posted by Naomi at 5:18 am
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