Loving this song at the moment... Pink Floyd's 'Sheep'

Harmlessly passing your time in the grassland away;
Only dimly aware of a certain unease in the air.
You better watch out,
There may be dogs about
I've looked over Jordan, and I have seen
Things are not what they seem.
What do you get for pretending the danger's not real.
Meek and obedient you follow the leader
Down well trodden corridors into the valley of steel.
What a surprise!
A look of terminal shock in your eyes.
Now things are really what they seem.
No, this is no bad dream.
The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want
He makes me down to lie
Through pastures green He leadeth me the silent waters by.
With bright knives
He releaseth my soul.
He maketh me to hang on hooks in high places.
He converteth me to lamb cutlets,
For lo, He hath great power, and great hunger.
When cometh the day we lowly ones,Through quiet reflection, and great dedication
Master the art of karate,Lo, we shall rise up,
And then we'll make the bugger's eyes water.
Bleating and babbling we fell on his neck with a scream.
Wave upon wave of demented avengers
March cheerfully out of obscurity into the dream.
Have you heard the news?
The dogs are dead!
You better stay home
And do as you're told.
Get out of the road if you want to grow old.

Can't sleep again... no change there then. I'm so weird. I wish I could be like my mum and dad, who are up majorly early, do a ton of stuff each day, including full time jobs. Argh!!

Carl told me I could text him if I couldn't sleep but I know deep down its a "Woke me up again!!!" So rather not go down that route.

So, over the past couple of days I must have applied for about 10 jobs.... TWO have got back to me... saying no of course but just two!!!! Its unfair, I think it should be the law for companies to actually get back to the person applying, even if its a no. It just makes you feel worthless and useless if they dont reply... almost like, whats the point?!??!

So, jobcentre tomorrow morning 10.30. I'm thinking I might just stay up the whole night now... it actually makes it worse sleeping for a tiny bit, then getting up early. Rather than sleeping none. Sounds weird, but true in my case.

Saturday will be when I go out with Jon, and Dave has asked me to some gig on the Sunday, I dont know if I will go to that yet though, I find it hard getting to the place its at. Im RUBBISH at direction.

I watched 'This Boys life' on T.V tonight, I hadnd seen it in a while... loved it just as much as always though :) I think 'The Basketball Diaries' is just as good. I think Leo Dicaprio is under-rated. Hes a great actor. I'm not thinking 'Titanic' style... more like them two above, and 'What's Eating Gilbert Grape'

TTYL!

I can't sleep and I'm ever so slightly depressed.

Dad will be up for work soon... might just go and spend some time with him, he cheered me up earlier, giving me a jumper of his and spraying it with his aftershave. Its a nice jumper, says 1981 on it... he got it becuase thats the year my brother and their first born came about... shame it had to all end a few weeks later :( Speaking of which, its his 'anniversary' next month. I want to go with mum to the Grave... aparently my sister has planted new flowers there. I dont go as often as I should... Im going to go more.... its just, his whole grave looks so depressing/messy and yucky. Its horrible to think a baby is under there, my brother. I wonder what he would be like now if he was still alive... I always think this. I bet he would be really sucsessful, with a good job. As for looks, I think he'd be like my dad, because you could already see that in him, with them big blue eyes. I think he might be like Daniel in a way too... only 25 instead of 20.

Anyway, dad ALWAYS did that for me when I were little, I loved it. If I ever had a bad dream or anything, Id wake up, find the jumper, smell it/hug it and everything would be okay again... and end up going back to sleep. If only this time I could actually get some sleep in the FIRST place.

So my sister has now left for good, to the hot country. She got there a couple of hours ago. Its weird but she'll be back xmas time.

As for my other sister, shes just got back from Sydney. I hope it was worth it, she packed in her job for it... Good for her I say, she didn tlik it there anyway! I want to go to Austrilia now... not just because dad lived tere but I wanna see my two auzzie friends :) They keep asking me to come over... so I will some day.

It was nice helping mum in the garden today, or rather yesterday. We are building a wall at the bottom so the perv behind cant spy on us anymore... she told me today he used to peer through the fence at myself and my sister when we were little too... uhhh ewwww!!! We have also been cutting down some tree branches, which was fun, but hard. And making a nice display by the pond.... it'll look great once finished.

On another note, Im very ugly at the moment. I mean, not that Im not any other time but lately... jesus :/ I need new skin or something I think. That'll be amazing. I did hear about them 'blue skin peels' you can get but will probably be thousands... I'd love to be a millionaire because when it comes to looks, Id get my teeth all totally perfect, my skin looking amazing, and just an all round better body. Id be really confident and be able to approach a man while sober, without feeling silly. And for first time sex with someone new, I'd be all confident and be like them kinda girls who dont seem to give a toss on how they look, they just get naked with no thought. I CAN imagine myself being like that one day... it'll just be a while yet I think. I'll look forward to that confidence though, very much so indeed. And be making the most of it for sure.

I don't really have anything planned for today (after attempting to sleep of course) I think I'll help with the garden again, I quite enjoyed it and was nice speaking to mum at the same time too.

This weekend Im going to go out with Jon... he keeps asking me and I keep putting it off, and I dont even know why I do because I do really like being around him, I dont know. So screw it, I'm going. My parents keep wanting me to go with him anyway. They don't even know him but seem to trust him enough and like the sound of him... and his car. Mum met him once and thought he was so cute and adorable because he was really shy, awww.

This blog is getting pretty long now so I'm going to stop... I haven't felt the need to write so much in ages. But Im glad I did.

Until next time...